Last week was tough and this is why...

Standing on the promises of God

20th February, 2021

I got out my journal to find out which entry Abba wants me to share today. As I moved from one page to the next, I sensed Abba wanted me to share real time. Right now. This present moment. I laughed because I thought I’d get to share this months later but I believe there must be a reason He wants me to share. So let’s do this!

I’m going to capture my state of mind in the last few days in this entry. I reached the point of physical and mental exhaustion last Wednesday. I remember completing my exam on Wednesday and my whole body was literally shaking. When I tried to take a shower, I couldn’t stand. I ended up going to bed feeling numbness in one side of my body. It was a scary feeling but I knew I would get through it.

How did I get here, you may be wondering.

It’s actually a culmination of a lot of things. I entered into the month of February knowing it was going to be one of contention and standing on the promises of God. The Bible says about Abraham in Romans 4:18, “Who against hope believed in hope, that he might become the father of many nations; according to that which was spoken, so shall thy seed be.” That’s the perfect scripture to describe my now - standing on the word God when everything appears to be going south.

Has it been easy? Of course not but I have been filled with overwhelming joy and peace since the month started. It’s quite unbelievable actually. I find myself singing and dancing at random moments. There’s just this joy that flows from a deep place within me.

When I had the near breakdown on Wednesday, the enemy saw an open window to attack yet again. I received news that was very disappointing. You know those kind of emails that make you say, “God, what exactly is happening right now? Is this how it will all end?” I looked at the email and said, “Abba, I place this into Your hands because I can do nothing about it in my power.”

Before this email came, I had a hangout with one of my fathers and I didn’t hold back as I said to him, “I am tired.” He said, “Adedoyin, it’s ok to feel tired. You are human. What you must remember is that God is always there to give you strength. The path of a pioneer is often a lonely and painful journey. Only God can give you the grace to go through each day. Keep your eyes on Him.”

How I needed those words. At that exact moment.

As I read that email and sent a response that even though it looked humanely impossible for things to be sorted out before the deadline given, I believe in exceptional miracles - I was in tears. Not ‘sad’ tears but ‘overwhelmed’ tears. I needed to let it all out. And then I said to God, “Even if the deadline comes and goes and nothing happens, Abba, I will still testify that You are faithful. I will still declare and proclaim that You are a good Father.” You see, for me in this journey with God, there’s no turning back. I press on until the very end!

Nothing appears to have changed in the natural but that resolute determination to keep my eyes on Him and focus not on the promise but on His goodness caused a shift in my spirit. I am in a place where I really do not know what will happen next but I am not afraid. I rest securely in the fact that God knows what He is doing and that is sufficient.

So my life continues. I live daily in adoration of Yahweh…not because He chooses to bless me but because I am completely in awe of Him. It’s very easy to forget His goodness when we are standing in the valley of unanswered prayers. It is at that moment we forget the big and small moments when God came through for us. When He did that jaw-dropping miracle that brought you to tears. When He showed up when you were least expecting. When he sent someone to bring you food when you were wondering where your next meal would come from. When He sent someone to give you a gift at the exact moment you needed it. I have been through these moments too!

I always say that I don’t have answers to the many mysteries of life but I do know this - God is a good Father and He is always faithful. I also know this - He loves you and I so deeply. If we understand just how much He loves us, why then do we worry about tomorrow? Why don’t we take Him at His word when He speaks? Why don’t we believe? Why don’t we just rest in Him.

Of course, I am #ThinkingOutLoud here but I do hope this entry stirs up your faith. I hope it leads you to the feet of the Father in worship and adoration. I pray that God will be your total sufficiency. I pray that you will indeed have a deep revelation of just how much He loves you. I pray you will learn to trust and fix your eyes on Him.